Be Selfish

When I first met Greg, he and I were both selfish, in the worst sense of the word. We would not have admitted it at the time, but we were each rather blind to the effect our actions had on others, and the creation of our relationship brought pain to others who were close to us at the time. Our first few years together were tumultuous as we struggled with our clashing egos, each trying to take power over the other, and our continued relationships with some individuals who were determined to divide us did not help matters.

After five years of on again/off again, I made the decision to leave the New York area and live in Seattle in an attempt to remove myself from the chaos. I still loved Greg and hoped to be able to continue my relationship with him in some form, but I wanted time and distance to be able to see things clearly and make decisions about my future, whether it was with him or without him. I thank the gods every day that he decided to follow me. He quit his job, got his first drivers license and gave up his rent controlled apartment to drive all the way across the country with me, and the tenuous seedling of our love was finally able to take firm hold and grow into the unshakable tree I hold on to today.

Part of our process of building a life together included a lot of examination of how we interacted with other people, and we strived to have greater empathy. After a lot of soul searching, Greg came up with the real secret - ultimately you have to be selfish. But it's not about the selfishness of instant gratification and meeting your immediate emotional needs. It's about long term selfishness and the feeling you get when you really connect with other people and make them feel good. You make your daily decisions with the long term view of feeling the warmth of friendship and the satisfaction of helping others instead of the fleeting pleasure of helping yourself.

It's this philosophy of selfishness that I am thankful for today. Not only was I a direct recipient of Greg's thoughtfulness on a daily basis, but this conscious effort to strengthen relationships created the safety net of friendship that has saved me these past two weeks. It will be harder without Greg's guidance, but I will strive to continue his practice of being ultimately selfish and gain long term happiness through kindness, love and friendship for others.